Things That Will Kill Your Relationship

Relationships require us to constantly adapt to changing conditions. Some we have control over and others we don't. There are several things to watch out for in a relationship that if left unchecked can cause irreparable damage to it.

In most cases it's important to know what we should be doing in our relationship, however I feel that there is just as much value, if not more, in knowing what not to do.

I've listed 5 relationship killers below:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Any time we enter a relationship, our number one fear is being rejected and it's this fear of rejection that can cause us to try and manipulate and control the other person. Controlling behavior falls into two main categories: overt control and covert control.

Overt or open control can manifest itself in many forms such as: rage, criticism, judgment, blame and ridicule.

Covert control is the exact opposite. It manifests itself in much more subtle ways such as: lying, denying, enabling and withdrawal.

Many times, someone who is on the receiving end of an overt attack will respond with a covert attack of their own in an attempt to fight back and take control.

The problem with both overt and cover controlling behavior is that it causes us to put up emotional walls that keep us from getting hurt but in reality they only bring rejection and isolation which ironically is the very thing we're trying to avoid in the first place.

RESISTANCE

One of the other natural fears that we have whenever we enter a new relationship is the fear of being controlled and not being able to make our own decisions. In a relationship, any time we feel like we're being controlled we respond with resistance. It's like an emotional tug-of-war. The more our partner tries to pull us to one side without our approval, the harder we resist and pull back.

Whenever someone is controlling, the other is resistant. Simply put, resistance in a relationship is an attempt to have control over not being controlled and when this happens it's impossible for the relationship and those involved to grow and move forward. This leaves both people in the relationship feelings frustrated and resentful.

NEEDINESS

One of the fastest ways to kill a relationship is neediness. Often times in relationships, we feel like it's our partner's job to fill our voids and make us feel good about ourselves.

Now don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. It is our job to be sensitive to our partner's needs and to meet those needs and vice versa. However, when we have not learned how to take care of our own feelings and needs first and then let our partner do the rest, we burden the relationship with an emotional weight that will eventually sink it.

ADDICTION

Many people who feel empty inside and like their needs are not being met often turn to addition to fill the void and remove the pain. Alcohol dependence, drug abuse, gambling, emotional affairs etc. are all forms of addiction that we use to fill our lives when they feel empty and meaningless.

The worst part of addiction, no matter what kind, is that it shuts out your partner both physically and emotionally.

MISSING THE MARK

The last relationship killer involves missing the mark. Most people in relationships are well aware of what the other person does that they feel brings down the relationship, but rarely are they focused on their own actions that could be playing just as big a role.

For example, you can probably pinpoint your partner's withdrawal, resistance or anger but are you aware of your own? Also, you might be able to recognize your partner's controlling behavior, but have you looked inside yourself and examined if you try to control your partner and are met with resistance?

Your partner might be an addict. Have you examined yourself to see what role you might play in that? As long as you're focused on your partner's faults instead of yourself you'll always miss the mark in your relationship.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

Fear kills relationships. Fear of rejection, of failure or of inadequacy will put our relationships on the path to destruction if we let them take a hold of us. Any time that one of these fears is present in your relationship it's likely you'll behave in a destructive manner.

The way that you overcome these 5 relationship killers is to take full responsibility for your relationship, feelings and needs. When you have control over your relationship and feelings you have control over how you react to different situations.

It's this empowerment that enables you to be secure in your relationships without the fear of being rejected or controlled. Furthermore, when you step back and examine your own faults instead of your partner's, you grow as a person which enriches your relationship.

These are 5 things that will kill your relationship and damage your self esteem. As I mentioned before, there is value in knowing what to do, but knowing what not to do can be even more valuable to you and your relationships.

If you take time and examine your relationship for any of these relationship killers and take measures to stop them you'll have happier and healthier relationships in the long run and you'll be someone worth being with.

The Last Word

So what do I want you to do now? Well for starters, I want you to stop suffering from bad relationshps from now on. Use what you've read here today and apply it to all your relationships in the future.

Also for your benefit I've written a post on how to apologize to your boyfriend or girlfriend if you've mistreated them and want to make things right again.

Best of luck to you and your future relationship endeaors.

how to say sorry to your ex boyfriend